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Memory Boxes

Anne de Gruchy - August 31, 2017
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Following the ‘Cumulative Caring Crises’ that I posted about recently we have now accepted a respite care bed for my dad at the lovely residential home near me. My sister travelled over from France especially to bring dad up to Nottingham following his hospital appointment to check the progress of his bladder cancer. We are not mentioning the ‘L’ (Long-Term) word – just giving him time to settle and benefit from the attention, help and kindness of the staff.

It is hard and sad to see him alternating between being unsure and asking about going home, and being settled and enjoying a meal out with us and a walk by the canal. The home is busy and colourful – something that dad is not used to but that results from their caring, hands-on approach. My sister described it as ‘like Tracy Beaker’s orphanage – all bright colours and busyness’!

I feel too emotional to report in depth, but wanted to share the image below. The home has ‘Memory Boxes’ outside each bedroom where residents can display photos and objects that remind them of people that are important to them, or show a little about their tastes, hobbies and life. It is wonderful to walk along the corridor of bedrooms past model sports cars, or Forest shirts and football paraphernalia, or faded sepia photos of childhood days with mum or dad.

So I got out my felt-tips and produced a ‘Best Dad’ image with a steam train and mounted a photo of dad with his three daughters below. I hope it helps him find his room and remember that we love him, although I think he will respond more to the idea of steam and a good chug-chug sound!

Anne de Gruchy

Writer and long-distance carer

annedegruchy.co.uk

I came to writing late, at nearly 40, during a gap between jobs – a period when I also studied theology. I hate having time on my hands so I thought: I’ll write that book I’ve always talked about – and I did! Since then I’ve written two novels, a humorous theological book, short stories and poetry.Now in my 50s, I find myself juggling time between home and my father’s house in Dorset. Caring for him and managing his care package and finances has added a new dimension to my life. Unable to juggle this with mainstream employment, I find myself with the opportunity to develop my writing and artwork alongside a caring role. My experience is that every difficult decision can also be a blessing if we are open to it…

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