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Robert (Wiggle Bum) will be 85 next February, and I am dreading it.

The joy which I want to feel is ravelled up by my remembering not just that it is 85 years since he was born, but that it also signifies 15 years since he was diagnosed with cancer, 10 years since his Brain Tumour ioeration, and 5 years (to the very day) that he was left bed bound following his massive stroke.

I am dreading it because I know that, whatever effort I make, however much family and friends will put themselves out to travel from their various parts of the country to join us, no matter how much we will try to make it a fun day, it will in all probability pass Robert by, or confuse him, or just tire him out.

He will not be able to hold, or to read his cards. I will read them to him, and remind him who the sender is. We cannot buy him any gift which he could use. We cannot do much at all, other than go through the motions, artificially.

But for whose benefit will we go through the motions?  Mine, probably, because I would feel guilt ridden if I did nothing at all.

Though would it be kinder to do nothing at all?  If we just did not mention the day? Would it be better for Robert not to have to feel any anxiety about what his role should be, what is expected of him? Would it ensure that he felt no pressure? Would he prefer his normal tranquil routine, rather than a noisy houseful?

If only my name were Solomon.

Answers on a post card please!